30 Comments

Fire Your Mom

Posted by & filed under Entrepreneurship.

mom.firedA common mistake entrepreneurs make, particularly those in a creative field like writing, speaking, singing, etc., is that they go to great lengths to seek advice and guidance…from horrible sources.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen a terrible headshot that was defended with something like,

“Well, my mom took it…she’s a professional.”

Feel free to substitute dad, wife, husband, son, daughter, college roommate, best friend, whatever, for “mom.” Bad business choices, whether they’re something as seemingly small as the headshot on your website, or something as large as where to invest your money, can usually be traced back to one thing—crappy advice from someone who was totally unqualified to give it.

Seeking outside opinions is one of the key qualities that separates successful entrepreneurs from failed ones. You have to be coachable, able to take advice, and follow directions.

However, something that often gets lost is the fact that those outside opinions have to be from people whose opinion actually counts.

Guess what? If that person whom you’re taking direction from is your “mom”…it’s time to fire her.

Why is “mom” in quotations? Because “mom” can really be anybody.

A “mom” in this sense is the person who loves everything you do. It’s the person who doesn’t stop at just telling you your bad headshot is great, they also show it off to EVERYONE they know.

  • “Mom” is the person who has no track record of success in your field whatsoever.
  • “Mom” is the person who has never made money off his or her opinion.
  • “Mom” is the person with no skin in the game, other than the fact that he or she wants to see you succeed.

Remember, YOUR livelihood is depending on your ability to sell yourself as a brand. If you’re going to seek an outside opinion, you better find one from someone who has THEIR livelihood tied up in you as well.

Many new entrepreneurs have this crazy notion that opinions are not worth paying for. They’ll just get their friend who designed one website back in college for free to look at the website they just spent an entire month creating. They’ll just get their friend who majored in English to edit the manuscript on which their dreams are riding.

Do you SEE how crazy this way of thinking is?!

If you have chest pains, are you going to ask your next-door neighbor what his opinion is? Are you asking your friend who occasionally donates blood?

No! You’re going to get your butt to a hospital right away! You want someone who is educated and well informed. And not only that, once you get a diagnosis, you’ll probably do some research to determine who the BEST is in the entire field.

If you want your career as an entrepreneur to take off, start treating it like it’s an extension of your physical wellbeing. Think of it as something you would do anything for, like a child. Nurture it with the best you have to offer.

Stop trusting opinions from people who will still be able to eat whether they are right or wrong.

Fire your mom.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000004397582 Dell Anne Hines Afzal

    I absolutely cannot believe you chose to recommend ‘FIRE MOM’ on the day I sent MAMA’S update to you!! I thought you loved her better than that!
    No, kidding aside, you are absolutely right and I’m trying very hard to take all your advice… I look to you for answers and you always give; well over and above! I’m making good progress on Book 2. I can’t see your face right now but the laughs just continue brother… It just takes a few good slaps around the head and shoulders from you!

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      LOL…oops :-)

  • http://www.livelaughserve.com/ Michael Hawkins

    So true. We need to find ‘authorities’ and people who we’re not so close to (in my opinion).

    On the flip-side, sometimes we don’t have a lot of money to spend on professional advice, so we figure, “Oh heck, I’ll just ask a few friends/co-workers/etc. for their opinion/help”.

    Moral of the story: most of the time, you get what you pay for.

    PS: The same goes for support. My family is not always as excited as I am about what I do. But I don’t let that thwart my efforts. That’s why I hang out with positive, make-it-happen people like you, Robert. : – )

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Sooo glad you brought up support, Michael. That is another big piece of the puzzle. On the other hand, if your family does do a good job of giving support, you still have to realize that that doesn’t automatically mean they will give you good advice as well. Support and counsel are two very different things!

      • Shelley Hess

        How True, Robert! “Support and counsel are two very different things!”

    • Shelley Hess

      Excellent points, every one, Michael!!

      • http://www.livelaughserve.com/ Michael Hawkins

        Thank you Shelley. I appreciate the reply!

    • Nora C

      Thanks for this PS. I sometimes let my family’s opinion get in the way of my dreams or even derail them.

  • Shelley Hess

    From a “Mom”, EXCELLENT POST, Robert!!

    I appreciate when others are discerning about the limits of my abilities, experience !and/or knowledge.

    I try to take personal responsibility to tell someone, when they ask my opinion or advice on something I know little or nothing about, just that; I know little about it! I serve better by saying so, and directing them to someone I may suggest, or simply elsewhere.

    I love your bottom line: “Stop trusting opinions from people who will still be able to eat whether they are right or wrong”

    HAVE AN AWESOME DAY, ROBERT!!!.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thanks, Shelley!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tedleesadler Ted Lee Sadler

    Excellent! Wisdom reminds us to seek counsel but to choose them wisely! Thank you Sir!

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thank-YOU for reading, Ted!

  • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

    Okay… but I’m giving her your number to complain.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      I’ll set her straight, Jeff! :-)

    • http://www.storiesfromascreensaver.blogspot.com/ Nikki Elledge Brown

      Ha!

  • Alex

    Love it!

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thank-YOU, Alex!

  • Suzette

    Thanks, Robert! The old “you get what you pay for” is always true!

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thank-YOU, Suzette! Another one that can also be true: Sometimes you get what you didn’t pay for and didn’t need!

  • http://twitter.com/cinegk George K.

    Spot on. Damn, this article was so inspiring I spent 2 minutes reading and the next 10 thinking about it! Alright, from a recent experience, where my mentor has totally lost hope in me, I can safely say that hearing the exact opposite of your dreams and hopes is the best test that determines whether you succeed or not. When an entrepreneur says “mom I drew this [totally awful and retarded] painting”, hoping to get “oh honey that’s absolutely great”, an entrepreneur should hear “god, that totally sucks”. From then on, it’s the choice you make. Ok, Mr. Robert, your article just stirred the dead right side of my brain at 02:00 am.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thanks, George! I have a feeling your willingness to seek out tough criticism will serve you extremely well in the long run. Keep it up!

      • http://twitter.com/cinegk George K.

        Same to you, Mr. Robert.

  • http://sparkvoice.wordpress.com/ DS

    Good stuff to remember in our “information” age…

  • Les

    You hit the nail on (Mons) head. Lots of people out there with bad advice.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Thanks, Les! But promise me you won’t actually hurt your mother ;-)

  • Les

    Forgot to edit, moms head

  • Jesse Etherton

    Then the question becomes how do I know if my stuff is any good?

    When you’re just starting out, before you have a following, your family are the only people who know what you do. If you can’t trust what they say then don’t you run into a catch 22? Because it’s hard to move forward without anyone in your corner, but without anyone but you to spread the word, growing is going to take a long time.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

      Jesse, I would say that you can easily and quickly find SOMEONE out there other than your family who can give you some kind of indication of whether there is talent there or not. Posting what you are doing on a blog is a great way to begin putting yourself out there :-)

      Also, family does not necessarily need to be ruled out completely. Sometimes they will give you an honest critique. As a rule, though, they will mostly love whatever you do.

      • Jesse Etherton

        When you say “quickly and easily find SOMEONE” do you have acess to some magic I don’t. :) I’ve found it takes a good deal of work to build enough of a relationship with someone that I feel comfortable asking them to look at my stuff. Even if they agree once having the same person return again without my poking them seems behond my skills. Maybe my writing isn’t that good, but I honestly doubt that’s the case. I feel instead that it’s much harder in this ADD world for people to remember to come back to your stuff time and time again.

        Oh and if you tell me that the above mentioned magic is in a product you sell that’d be a good way to make a sale. :p

        btw I love your blog, when I remember it exists. :D

        • http://therobertd.com/ Robert

          No magic involved, LOL, I promise! :-)

          In the long run, it will definitely help to work on getting more comfortable sharing your work. The more people you get it in front of, the closer you will get to finding the right person. There are many online groups of writers out there. That may be a good place to start.

          As for products, there are a few things in the works that I DO think will be of great value to you ;-) If you’re on the email list, you’ll be the first to know when the times comes!

          And thank-YOU for the kind words, Jesse!