• RSS Feed
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
17 Comments

Mad, Muted, and Muffled: How to Get Rid of Anger

Posted by & filed under Personal Growth.

There is no way you can be grateful when you’re mad.

Mad is a disease that eats at you slowly. It does not make you better. It does not encourage you or anyone around you. It does not make you physically fit in any way.

In reality, it tears you down. And those around you. No one is better off when you are mad. The aftereffects of mad can linger for a long time—if not forever.

Mad, Muted, and Muffled: How to Get Rid of Anger

Photo by bern161616

It is so easy to let ourselves fall into the trap of being mad at those whom we know we should love the most. Those who are closest to us. Those who are in our family. These are the people we may not have chosen to be in our life. At this level—no matter what your belief system is about God or the hereafter—you have to know that this is fate. All you can do is take it on faith.

If you find yourself mad all the time, and you look back and notice that it’s been a year or longer that you have stayed mad—you have a problem.  Again, let me repeat that.

You have a problem.

This is all about you. No one else. We don’t look at the person or the object at which you are mad. They have nothing in reality to do with this. Your anger comes from your perception of that person or thing.

Whenever I ask someone, “If today were your last day on this planet, would you want to stay mad at this person?” the answer is always no.

The opposite is also true—if that person died today, and you were still mad, how bad would you feel for the rest of your life? You would feel a constant nagging of regret on a daily basis.

If the person did die, you would then face an even greater challenge—forgiving yourself. For having gotten mad and stayed that way. For allowing it to go that long. Why don’t you forgive yourself now? You must forgive your self now for even being mad.

Write this down. List all the things you are mad about. They are small. They are pitiful. They are non-consequential in the long, big picture of life.

Where is the love? Love and mad do not mix. It does not mix in friendships or intimate relationships. It does not work with your spouse. Ever.

If you choose to be mad—everything will be second-best for the rest of your life. You will never experience the best you could be or the best of life.

At this level you have to start working on yourself. It’s 100% about you. No one else. It’s your emotions, your thoughts, and your reactions to everything taking place around you that you must modify, change, and alter immensely. 

This is your life. Take note – it will not last forever.

Stop acting like a prima donna as if you can float through life casually—never requiring more of yourself to step up and be more.

The Key to Moving Past Your Anger

Getting rid of your anger is all about doing something most people give up on shortly after childhood—becoming more.

Becoming more…emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Most people become stagnant. Flat line. Lukewarm. 

Listen carefully: If you’re not rocking the boat, then you’re sitting in it. You’re floating. Unless the wind blows or the current takes you somewhere you remain where you are. Doing nothing.

Sitting in the boat and moving past your anger takes effort, energy, and lots of emotions. It does not come easy. It takes coordination. Strength. And you will become exhausted.

Critical note here: everyone is in his or her own boat. Each boat contains only one person. You are the captain of your boat. You control every aspect of your boat. 

Most people treat boating like a round of bumper cars. Constantly out of control. Constantly not taking control. Going with the flow of the current and the blowing of the wind.

A lot of people aren’t even in a boat yet—they’re still stuck on the riverbank of life. They watch many boats go by. They never want to step out into their own and do something with their life. They are fearful and do not trust others who are boating or even the boats themselves. They love to point and laugh and criticize everyone passing by. In reality, they are mad that it is not them.

Those same people watch boats that seem to float by with very little effort. They think they caught the correct current. They are the lucky ones. Their boats are better. Whatever the reason, they do not see that anyone took responsibility for their own boat.

Often, those individuals who appear to be moving effortlessly quietly built a small engine while no one was looking to propel themselves in directions they could not have gone on their own.

At this point a lot of people think of themselves as being stuck. I hear it all the time. They are not stuck. They are just doing nothing. They confuse inactivity with being stuck. 

It is impossible to be stuck with massive activity.

You cannot be stuck physically. You cannot be stuck emotionally. And you cannot be stuck spiritually—if you add massive internal activity.

Please note, I said internal. It starts within you. Emotionally. Mentally. With the decisions that you must make now. Today.

Even if you fell out of the boat and someone threw you a life jacket—you have to grab it.  You have to put it on. Notice all the activity that is involved with saving your own life!

Let me repeat one more time… It really is about you. 

Your activity. 

Your perceptions. 

Your belief system.

If you continue to stay mad and believe you are stuck, you will never be all you’re supposed to be as an author, speaker, leader, dad, mom, sibling, or even a friend.

And you cannot be all you can be for GOD. You will never fulfill your purpose in life. The wick of your candle will go out forever.

That is not you. I know you don’t want to look like that. I know you do not want to die like that.

People who choose to remain mad take a little bit of life on a daily basis from everyone around them. They are not givers. They are total takers. They deflate life instead of inflating it.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I mad about?
  • Who am I mad at?
  • And this is a big one . . . in what ways am I mad at myself?

Do not just “think” of the answers. Right now, type them out or write them down. This is a massive act of self-actualization. A process you must do on your own.

I want you to be free.

Free to become all you’re supposed to be. Free to give. Free to love. Free to totally be YOU—so you can massively give to those around you in a positive way.

Got some tips on dealing with being mad? Share your thoughts and some stories in the comments below. Looking forward to the discussion…

P.S. A True, Long-Lasting SolutionClick to Download Your Free Copy

I believe an individual can change how they feel in an instant. But that takes practice. Lots of practice on a daily basis. It also takes some guidance and direction. Most of us do not know what to do or how to fix this. Here is a solution that really does work…

Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. This is the closest thing to perfect practice I know of…

Og Mandino suggests to read this Scroll II from The Greatest Salesman in the World (Chapter 9, p. 58) three times a day for thirty days straight. I have created a special, downloadable PDF of this scroll that you can get by clicking here. Do this.  It is the closest thing to “magical” that will cause you to be transformed – if you want to be. The real ultimate question is, do you want to change? If so, read the following three times a day for 30 days.  Then report back to me!

email
Want more posts like this?
Sign up below and get email updates and my free eBook, Battle-Tested Branding.
We hate spam just as much as you

  • http://kevinanthonywilliams.com/ Kevin Anthony Williams

    What is worse than a fool? An angry fool! Great insight as always. I literally look forward to your posts each week…

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert D. Smith

      Thanks, Kevin! I appreciate the kind words. Speaking of fools, I have something on that very subject coming soon. :-)

      • http://www.comedyillusions.com/ Greg Wood

        A blog on fools??? Will you mention me by name? :-)

  • http://stonewallmonroe.wordpress.com/ William Stonewall Monroe

    A lot of times when I am beginning to get upset I try to channel that frustration into something productive, asking myself, “What is making me upset?” I check the externals first, “Am I hungry?” for instance. And sometimes even if I am legitimately hurt and upset, talking about it calmly allows those around me to be more responsive and generates a more positive outcome.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert D. Smith

      Great suggestions, William! Thanks for those. Very wise.

  • David Mike

    Thanks Robert, this hit me like a perfect storm. My wife was right! Tweeted!

  • Jim Sumsion

    My wife and I were having a discussion in the kitchen a few years ago, when she said something I could have gotten mad about. Instead I felt inspired to write a poem to her as follows:

    Obtuse
    I spoke with my best friend tonight.
    She said Men are obtuse.
    You have to tell them things just right
    for them to understoose

    I thought about it for awhile
    and it occurred to me
    how glad I am to have a gal
    that’s so acute to me!

    She liked it.

  • http://kwinpeterson.com/ Kwin Peterson

    I think Yoda nailed it when he tied anger to fear. When I get angry (and can keep my head long enough to do so) I ask myself what I am fearing at that moment. It’s surprising how often this works.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert D. Smith

      Another great tip. Thanks, Kwin!

  • http://tomspublications.blogspot.com/ Tom Johnson-Medland

    I’d have to say that having looked critically at my own anger and having listened to the anger of hundreds of hospice patients and their families that a majority of what anger boils down to is not anger but some other emotion that is not given any kind of voice or ear. Usually it is hurt. Most angry people are hurt at some level. When people can begin to acknowledge they are hurt they tend to resolve anger issues more quickly within themselves. Hurt itself can come from other places like jealousy, fear, distrust, sadness, grief, etc.. Regardless of which emotion is the root and the cause of the anger, the anger is almost like a secondary emotion that shows up when someone does not feel heard or listened to. I like to think of it as like a cut. The cut is the presenting issue/emotion. The anger is how the cut feels if it does not get any attention. It gets swollen and sore to the touch – even down right painful. Sort of a simple view, but it has stood up to what I have seen and known to be true.

    • http://therobertd.com/ Robert D. Smith

      Hey, Tom!!! What a great metaphor and illustration. It is so hard to come up with something visual for something that’s so not visual. Thanks for sharing.

  • Barbara Hoover

    Whenever I get disappointed on somebody, I do not take it as a major
    thing that I will be having for the rest of my life. All I do is
    that, lie on my bed, grab that earphones and turn the music on. I
    always find it useful most especially if I am longing for an answer
    for why I feel this way, somehow, it gives me a bright side of the
    situation and reminding me to be careful next time. After all nobody
    can undo things it’s just that we are victims of our unguarded actions.

  • Barbara Hoover

    Whenever I get disappointed on somebody, I do not take it as a major
    thing that I will be having for the rest of my life. All I do is that,
    lie on my bed, grab that earphones and turn the music on. I always find
    it useful most especially if I am longing for an answer for why I feel
    this way, somehow, it gives me a bright side of the situation and
    reminding me to be careful next time. After all nobody can undo things
    it’s just that we are victims of our unguarded actions.

  • http://www.callbox.com.sg/ Dara Lin

    Totally agree! So much anger will lead you to do something bad and out of control that you might regret on the future. Get hold of your emotion, breath, and reflect so that you can have a positive feeling. Nobody is perfect, we all sin, we all make a mistake, but what is important is that we learn and we continue with our life. Learn to forgive and forget, give second chances to those who hurt you.

  • http://www.callboxinc.com/ Belinda Summers

    So many tweetable quotes here. Yes, we get so drowned with pride in our heads where madness forms. We think that we are too important and we have every right to be angry. The truth is, everyone does have the right and everyone can but it’s just that they are people who knows having negative thoughts and garnering enemies would do no good in their lives. It’s such a waste of time. Life is really short to be wasted. Thanks for the inspiration Robert. Keep writing. :)

  • Heather Morgan

    Madness and anger comes when a person decides and allows it to swallow him/her. I remember what my very close friend of mine taught me about that. “If you let anger and madness strikes you it will make you a useless individual all of the day” Yaaah right! Your day would just be stocked up on it and you can’t do important things because you’re mind has been consecrated by madness and anger.

  • http://callboxinc.com/ Mary Gravitt

    It is so easy to let ourselves fall into the trap of being mad at those whom we know we should love the most. Those who are closest to us. Those who are in our family. These are the people we may not have chosen to be in our life. At this level no matter what your belief system is about God or the hereafter you have to know that this is fate. All you can do is take it on faith. This is a wonderful thought for people who are in mad situation, but of course its good to settle down and try to asses the situation.

    In case you are also interested in the ebooks we use, we wrote an
    article about it http://www.callboxinc.com/: